Sometimes I feel like I’m failing! I am naturally lazy, I often think “I can’t be bothered”. I’ve never been one to push myself, just enough to get by.
Although I am always busy. My time is always filled I literally never stop but I like to be like that.
If somebody asked what do I “do” I automatically tell them my job title. Just lately I’m been thinking about what I would say if somebody asked “Who are you?”
Maybe I am a runner or maybe not. I can’t seem to build up myself speed and my muscles recover is terrible. I take painkillers every time I need to run 5/7 days. Failure.
Maybe I am a Logistic’s Administrator I can definitely do this but I make mistakes and I appear to be getting slower. Failure.
Maybe I am a big sister but I don’t think I do a great job of that. I don’t make enough time to ring/text/see my sister.
Maybe I am a friend but this has become a struggle lately between my training, work and kids activities, I simply feel like I don’t have time.
Maybe I am a daughter but I am certainly not a good one. I can’t find the energy to visit and when I do I’m rushing to get home.
Maybe I am a partner but as much as I try to keep the house clean and ready for when he gets home. I look around the house and know it could be tidier, dinners could be more creative and I’m usually in bed shortly after the kids are.
Maybe I am a mum. This role I put all of my effort in to. I take the kids to lots of places try to give them good memories but I don’t play with them , I just don’t have time at home there is always something to do.
Maybe I am not much of anything I certainly don’t feel like I am doing a job of anything right now! Just a crappy job of all of the above!
I know who is used to be confident, funny, quick witted & fun to be around. I miss that girl & more than anything I want her back.
This is my promise to myself, to all of you that I will find out “Who I am?” Now. I know I can’t be that girl I used to be but I can be an older and wise version, who isn’t so down with all she can’t or isn’t doing but praises all that she does achieve and pushes herself harder when she ‘can’t be bothered’.
I want more happiness for myself and the only way to achieve that is to stop beating myself up and focusing on how to make me appreciate all that I have.