Be kind always

I have always loved the instagram community but this past few weeks I have seen so many destructive and negative comments, read several negative articles and seen some individuals genuinely upset by what has happened to them.

Why? Why would you be nasty? Why hurt other people? Why attack them?why say something negative? Why judge? Why criticise? Why make people feel bad? Make them feel like they need to edit themselves?

I you don’t like someones behaviour, unfollow them! if you dont like how someones insta feed makes you feel, unfollow them! Its about RESPECT! Treat others as you wish to be treated. Better still if you don’t have anthing kind to say dont say it all!

I treat all accounts as equals, I consider myself no better or worse than anybody else. Comment kind words of comfort or jokes. Reply to insta stories in jest or honest thoughts, dont take it personally if you don’t receive a reply. Lifes busy, DM can be far too many to answer them all but mostly don’t let these squares bring you down.


Who am I?

Sometimes I feel like I’m failing! I am naturally lazy, I often think “I can’t be bothered”. I’ve never been one to push myself, just enough to get by.

Although I am always busy. My time is always filled I literally never stop but I like to be like that.

If somebody asked what do I “do” I automatically tell them my job title. Just lately I’m been thinking about what I would say if somebody asked “Who are you?”

Maybe I am a runner or maybe not. I can’t seem to build up myself speed and my muscles recover is terrible. I take painkillers every time I need to run 5/7 days. Failure.

Maybe I am a Logistic’s Administrator I can definitely do this but I make mistakes and I appear to be getting slower. Failure.

Maybe I am a big sister but I don’t think I do a great job of that. I don’t make enough time to ring/text/see my sister.

Maybe I am a friend but this has become a struggle lately between my training, work and kids activities, I simply feel like I don’t have time.

Maybe I am a daughter but I am certainly not a good one. I can’t find the energy to visit and when I do I’m rushing to get home.

Maybe I am a partner but as much as I try to keep the house clean and ready for when he gets home. I look around the house and know it could be tidier, dinners could be more creative and I’m usually in bed shortly after the kids are.

Maybe I am a mum. This role I put all of my effort in to. I take the kids to lots of places try to give them good memories but I don’t play with them , I just don’t have time at home there is always something to do.

Maybe I am not much of anything I certainly don’t feel like I am doing a job of anything right now! Just a crappy job of all of the above!

I know who is used to be confident, funny, quick witted & fun to be around. I miss that girl & more than anything I want her back.

This is my promise to myself, to all of you that I will find out “Who I am?” Now. I know I can’t be that girl I used to be but I can be an older and wise version, who isn’t so down with all she can’t or isn’t doing but praises all that she does achieve and pushes herself harder when she ‘can’t be bothered’.

I want more happiness for myself and the only way to achieve that is to stop beating myself up and focusing on how to make me appreciate all that I have.

Lets Talk About it

Here it is my first blog post! Lets talk about our mental health!

When I had my first daughter at just 18. I was so excited about her arrival I had a wardrobe full of outfits, a beautiful four poster cot in the corner of my room (I still livedwith my parents) and our room had been redecorated.

Her birth was just a blur. She got stuck in my birth canal, her heart rate plummeted and we ended up in theatre for an emergency C-section. I remember the surgeon nearly pulling me off the operating table trying to pulling her out.

She was a good baby. My mum was amazing doing the night feeds once a week but I felt like i was on autopilot. I became obsessed with the idea that my partner was cheating, my moods were low, I  cried a lot I slept very little, I loved my baby but not my life.

It all came to a head when we went on a family holiday and I cried every day. Once i came home I shared my feelings with my mum, she suggested I visited my GP who put me on antidepressants.

I only took them for 6 months because the sharing of my feelings was enough to kick start sharing more, getting out more and my family really rallied. I remember my auntie re-introducing me to her niece(on my uncles side) and made a connection with another mum similar in age.

I was lucky I found help, I had support! I still get low moods, the paranoia kicks in when things are tough and i can feel myself withdraw but I now know the more I talk about it the better i feel. So please share, please talk, it will lift.