Marathon Training

Training was always a thrill and such a massive sense of achievement but their were plenty of time’s when it was just plan tough! I was fortunate enough to have a training buddy to help motivate me.

I googled beginners marathon training guides, training became six days a week and if I wasn’t running, I’d be cross training (working on my fitness with out using my running muscles). My long runs were always on Sundays, followed by Mondays rest day. I have several friends who had run the marathon so always took on their advice, if I thought it would help.

I spoke with my partner about the amount of time training would take up, checking he was happy to take on the extra childcare and chores when I was too tired. He knew how much I wanted to do it so was more than happy to support me but I don’t think he was really prepared for how much the training/injuries effected our lives.

I’m not a big drinker but I didn’t have one drink the whole time I was training because 6/7am starts for anything between 3-17miles don’t mix! I remember leaving my friends 40th birthday party at 930pm because I had injured my knee so couldn’t dance and I had a 6.30am start for a 15mile distance to cover the next day! That was the first time my partner mentioned how much the thing was hampering family life, it stung and the guilt I carried from then on was horrid but I was committed and it was only for a short amount of time(at least that is what I told myself, I had too)

I didn’t realise how far 25miles was until I did my 15mile run! Then I got scared really bloody scared, how on earth was I going to run so far. 12 weeks in my opinion isn’t enough time to train for a marathon, my biggest wish is that I had longer to train.

All that was keeping me going at this point was all my friends and family support, plus the fabulous charity I was running for Grief Encounter. For three weeks mid training I hadn’t been able to run at all, just cross train really hard to keep my fitness up. I lost a lot of my speed during those weeks. When I was able to run again I could see how much faster my training buddy had become, it was soul destroying.

I am such a stubborn fool though and despite losing sleep over, how far it was, how on earth I was going to physically be able to do it and how long it would take me. I broke down in tears to my oldest friend and she reminded me why I had decided to run a marathon in the first place, to raise awareness for Grief Encounter and money for all the fabulous work they do.

 

Pre Marathon Nerves

6D2FBDC4-9E15-4B84-A412-02584FDF354CTomorrow is the big day! Brighton Marathon which just 12 short weeks ago was just a blip on the horizon, a dream, a goal that I was going to start working towards with great enthusiasm. I sign up a training buddy and we set at it! 7days a week commitment!!

Midway through I hit an injury which meant I couldn’t run for 3/4weeks. Those weeks were dark and scary for me I wanted to help my charity badly but I can’t describe how much pain I was in. I would be a liar if I said I didn’t consider quitting! My amazing training buddy kept motivating me, telling me it would pass, I would heal But I really didn’t believe it would! In some of the hardest times for me my friends would reassure me getting to the finish line is all that counts not the time it takes so just walk it! Trust me I needed to hear that!

I still went to the gym every day and crossed trained( keeping my fitness levels up). Working with the most amazing physio, who has patiently nursed me back from injury, I managed to get back running but I’ve lost so much of my speed. I am At the point now that getting to that Finish line is going to be my goal (how ever long it takes) cause in those darker times I wasn’t sure if get I’d there.

All the jittery feels today think about all the littles things. Worry and anxiety are cruel creatures but I had a peep talk with myself “its just the fear of the unknown”. I’m going to just soak up the atmosphere, be proud I’m fit enough to take part and very much look forward to seeing my friends and family at the finish line.

Thank you so much for everybody who has supported me, sponsored me and sent words of encouragement. I am forever grateful.

Happy Easter

33C66031-292A-4E37-99F8-7BAAD9BFABE2Family is what the long weekend meant for us. After years of both Jon and I working shifts its nice to know we can both be around to spend some quality time with the kids.

 

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Good Friday celebrations came in the way of afternoon tea for me, my mum and the girls. Easter themed afternoon tea at a gorgeous tea rooms with a small farm and soft play attached. Laythe Barn, Donkey Street , Dymchurch , Kent if you are ever in the area.

Jon took the boys on the Dymchurch , Hythe and New Romney railway into Hythe for pizza.

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Saturday we had an Easter Party (with a family my size we only had my nephews and the neighbouring caravans children which was plenty lol). The decorations and table settings I had picked up from Poundland and my mothering law had given us a great little Easter Egg Hunt kit from Sainsburys.

We started with Musical bumps which is great for the little ones. Then we upped the skill factor with musical statues which Clarke and my nephew couldn’t quite manage. Traditional egg and spoon race, all whilst we was waiting for the grand finale The Easter Egg Hunt. BE735B6E-0E74-4166-AC7E-B773D6722894

Here they all are posed ready to go! And yes that is blue sky behind them the sun made it out to make our day perfect for us. My cousin came with out her older children to help cause she loves seeing them running after there eggs ( she helped me hind them).

Once all the kids had a fairly equal number of eggs, We hit the amusements with our pound of two pences.0DC50C2F-10EB-4AE0-8794-7E6C7D5AB40D

Sunday was an 11 mile run with my training buddy whilst the kids played in the mud followed by one of my mums fat roasts.

Monday we hit soft play to trying to escape the mud that had ruined several outfits over the weekend and generally covered everything.

Hope your Easter was perfect for you.

End of an era

DSC_2290.jpgMy parents sold the childhood home last week! Even when they first told me they wanted to sell, I felt grief-stricken. I have so many amazing memories in thier house.

My cousin used to live next door when we were in primary school so our parents just took a fence panel down in the end, we spend hours playing in the garden.

I met my best pal on my way home from secondary school we got off at the same stop and she spent plenty of days/nights at my house from that day on wards. House parties and drunk nights always started then ended at my house.

My Nan came to live with us shortly after and she died there 10 years later, we was all with her.

I brought my first-born home from the hospital and we all lived together three generations under one roof.

I woke up every christmas morning under that roof, all except two. My eldest children still dont like waking up in their home on christmas morning. They say ‘It just doesnt feel the same’.

90% of all party’s I hosted were held there! Christenings, Holy Communions, Confirmations, Birthdays, New Years and BBQ’s to name a few.

All of my friends know where my mums house is, to the point where I hosted a Surprize party for my Mum’s 60th there and just wrote ‘My Mums’ on the invite.

How do you replace that? A life time of memories, the place you still consider home!

Here’s to wishing them as many fond memories in their new home. End of era.

If any of my friends or family have got any great memeories at my mums house please do email/text/inbox/DM them to me and I will share them at a later date.

 

 

Be kind always

I have always loved the instagram community but this past few weeks I have seen so many destructive and negative comments, read several negative articles and seen some individuals genuinely upset by what has happened to them.

Why? Why would you be nasty? Why hurt other people? Why attack them?why say something negative? Why judge? Why criticise? Why make people feel bad? Make them feel like they need to edit themselves?

I you don’t like someones behaviour, unfollow them! if you dont like how someones insta feed makes you feel, unfollow them! Its about RESPECT! Treat others as you wish to be treated. Better still if you don’t have anthing kind to say dont say it all!

I treat all accounts as equals, I consider myself no better or worse than anybody else. Comment kind words of comfort or jokes. Reply to insta stories in jest or honest thoughts, dont take it personally if you don’t receive a reply. Lifes busy, DM can be far too many to answer them all but mostly don’t let these squares bring you down.

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Who am I?

Sometimes I feel like I’m failing! I am naturally lazy, I often think “I can’t be bothered”. I’ve never been one to push myself, just enough to get by.

Although I am always busy. My time is always filled I literally never stop but I like to be like that.

If somebody asked what do I “do” I automatically tell them my job title. Just lately I’m been thinking about what I would say if somebody asked “Who are you?”

Maybe I am a runner or maybe not. I can’t seem to build up myself speed and my muscles recover is terrible. I take painkillers every time I need to run 5/7 days. Failure.

Maybe I am a Logistic’s Administrator I can definitely do this but I make mistakes and I appear to be getting slower. Failure.

Maybe I am a big sister but I don’t think I do a great job of that. I don’t make enough time to ring/text/see my sister.

Maybe I am a friend but this has become a struggle lately between my training, work and kids activities, I simply feel like I don’t have time.

Maybe I am a daughter but I am certainly not a good one. I can’t find the energy to visit and when I do I’m rushing to get home.

Maybe I am a partner but as much as I try to keep the house clean and ready for when he gets home. I look around the house and know it could be tidier, dinners could be more creative and I’m usually in bed shortly after the kids are.

Maybe I am a mum. This role I put all of my effort in to. I take the kids to lots of places try to give them good memories but I don’t play with them , I just don’t have time at home there is always something to do.

Maybe I am not much of anything I certainly don’t feel like I am doing a job of anything right now! Just a crappy job of all of the above!

I know who is used to be confident, funny, quick witted & fun to be around. I miss that girl & more than anything I want her back.

This is my promise to myself, to all of you that I will find out “Who I am?” Now. I know I can’t be that girl I used to be but I can be an older and wise version, who isn’t so down with all she can’t or isn’t doing but praises all that she does achieve and pushes herself harder when she ‘can’t be bothered’.

I want more happiness for myself and the only way to achieve that is to stop beating myself up and focusing on how to make me appreciate all that I have.

Lets Talk About it

Here it is my first blog post! Lets talk about our mental health!

When I had my first daughter at just 18. I was so excited about her arrival I had a wardrobe full of outfits, a beautiful four poster cot in the corner of my room (I still livedwith my parents) and our room had been redecorated.

Her birth was just a blur. She got stuck in my birth canal, her heart rate plummeted and we ended up in theatre for an emergency C-section. I remember the surgeon nearly pulling me off the operating table trying to pulling her out.

She was a good baby. My mum was amazing doing the night feeds once a week but I felt like i was on autopilot. I became obsessed with the idea that my partner was cheating, my moods were low, I  cried a lot I slept very little, I loved my baby but not my life.

It all came to a head when we went on a family holiday and I cried every day. Once i came home I shared my feelings with my mum, she suggested I visited my GP who put me on antidepressants.

I only took them for 6 months because the sharing of my feelings was enough to kick start sharing more, getting out more and my family really rallied. I remember my auntie re-introducing me to her niece(on my uncles side) and made a connection with another mum similar in age.

I was lucky I found help, I had support! I still get low moods, the paranoia kicks in when things are tough and i can feel myself withdraw but I now know the more I talk about it the better i feel. So please share, please talk, it will lift.